Last Sunday upon returning from worship, I adorned one of my momma’s dusters, took to the couch, felt sad all day and into the evening, and didn’t change out of my Mama’s pj’s until sometime Monday afternoon. It was a depressed and melancholy start to the week, indeed.
Fast forward to yesterday, one week later, things looked very different. I went to church, updated my calendars, signed up for a 5 week Mahjongg league, looked into part time jobs, gave my self tik-tok lessons, watched two episodes of Love is Blind with my daughter, harvested some lavender, and worked in my garden until after dark.
With sweat running down my back and brow,I ended my night of humid gardening cooling in my daughter’s SUNTAN TUB, still filled with water from earlier in the day.
It felt good to be productive, energetic, excited and looking forward to the future. There are still so many unknowns, but I know great things await. God has a plan for me and we’ll figure itnout together.
Peace and many blessings,
Becky
PS.Suntan TUB can be found below and in my link tree on the homepage and in my instagram, FB, and Tik-Tok bio.
A Sunday afternoon scroll through facebook led me to the RIBBON CUTTING for the completion of our new school building. My administrators, co-workers, and I have taught and lived in separate buildings for three years and were looking forward to the year we’d finally be under one roof again. THIS is that year; the school year we’ve been waiting for. All remnants of our old building are gone and a lovely state of the art middle school now sits in its place. The rush of joy, hope for new year, hugs and smiles were palpable as I watched it eagerly, but with a lump in my throat.
Something uncomfortable crept up on me. Was it jealousy, FOMO, sadness…all of those things and more? I am genuinely excited for my Viking family; its been a long time coming–but in full disclosure, it was like a shockwave of sadness overtook me when I saw the videos and pictures of the people I love happily congregated for the special occasion. Something was missing. Me, I was missing.
My pity party whispered, “Life marches on here as if you were never part of it.” So I sat in that lie and spiraled into a depressed afternoon that lingered into the night.
Life does march on, but I am blessed to be cared for and appreciated by administration, co-workers, parents, and many a student; I know it in my heart. I felt it and experienced it, as I was beautifully honored and celebrated with retirement parties, visits from students over the years, including some that dated back to my years teaching in Metro Nashville. I stood for hours crying, laughing and hugging them and some of their parents. I was surprised and honored with the Viking Spirit award at our promotion ceremony in May; to a room of I don’t know how many hundreds of students and parents thanking me with their heartfelt applause! What in the world, get over yourself, Becky!
I do understand time serving the Vikings in the capacity of 8th grade history teacher has passed. I chose to retire as it was time; my soul, mind, body, and the Spirit have shown me over and over, it was time…but My HEART wasn’t ready. It needs time.
Reading the celebratory post and watching the video felt like I was on the outside looking into a room where I was supposed to be; where I wanted to be, where I belonged. It felt like was knocking, even pounding for a bit, but no one heard me. No one let me in.
The Ribbon Cutting was the first of many moments I will miss this year: Homecoming Parade, BMS Bash, Pep Rallies, dress up weeks, our Christmas Countdown, not to mention daily moments in the classroom: relationships built with children; middle schoolers often just searching for someone to see them. God gave me the gift to see them and oh so often they saw me, as well. I will forever cherish and sometimes still long for THOSE moments.
With a tear down my cheek and a smile of my face I know the truth… “Once a Viking, always a Viking.” I’ll see you soon friends, just not in Room 222.
Sunday’s pity party if officially over. Have a blessed weekend.
My precious Ablavi and her beautiful family came to my retirement party. I will never recover from seeing her after so many years. She walked through my door, soon after arriving in America, from Togo Africa. She was a scared but strong little girl in 1998. Now a mother of 5 beautiful children! I love you Ablavi.
My recent retirement has me trying new things, like jumping in to Amazon associate world. You can browse and shop several of our family favorites here! Nothing fancy, just products we like and really use. Products added often:)
…. this adorable planter is one of my favorite things in my outdoor bungalow
…where my soul plays and restsI call her Luna, as the succulent she’s a home to is a luna. My amazon link takes you directly to the cuteness. Thank you to my dear friend Kelly for gifting it to me. She knows me well.
beckroda1964 
